In the midst of all the dreary news emanating from the One's administration and his confederacy of dunces -- oops, I mean team of rivals -- there is good news today! According to the Associated Press:

The West Michigan Whitecaps, a minor league baseball team, will be offering up major league cholesterol, carbohydrates and calories in an enormous hamburger being added to the menu this year at the Fifth Third Ballpark. The 4-pound, $20 burger features five beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips, all on an 8-inch sesame-seed bun. That's a lot of dough!

This work of art weighs in at a trim 4,800 calories.

I know what you're thinking -- "Finally, I can get a 4-pound burger at a ballgame! Oh, and a Diet Coke, please!"

For you skeptics and communists out there, apparently the friendly concessionaires will provide a pizza cutter so you can share your culinary investment with your friends. (Do you have that many friends?)

I might ask them to hold the corn chips and salsa -- that seems like overkill.

See you at the ballpark -- I'll bring the drop cloth!