"Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New
 York, announced that she has no intentions of
 ever, ever running for office of the president    of
 the UnitedStates. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is
 bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go
 his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment
 family." - David Letterman

"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her
 first party in her new home in Washington.
 People said it was a lot like the parties she
 used to host at the White House.
 In fact, even the furniture was the same." -    Jay Leno

 "Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President
 Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut
 carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made,
 a promise broken. And then out of habit, she
 demanded that Bush spend the night on the
 couch." - Craig Kilborn

"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most
 admired woman in America.
 Women admire her because she's strong and  successful.
Men admire her because she allows
her husband to cheat and get  away with It." - Jay Leno

 "Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from
 the great state of New York. When they
 swore her in, she used the Clintonfamily
 Bible.... the one with only seven commandments."
 -David Letterman