Humor in Michigan

Make us laugh

Satire – Call To Action: Stop child predators! Pass Common Sense Cell Phone reform today!

I must credit some of this to my co-worker Mike.  He and I discussed this “solution”.  We had some laughs discussing a gun-control like approach to solving abuse of technology to pick up on young people.

I’ve seen articles about Brooke Lajiness and her predilections for young males pop up in my news feed recently.  It got me thinking, society cannot let this happen!  We must take action to stop future cougars from using these tools to prey on the young and vulnerable.  It’s time for common sense reform, and I have some ideas of how!

Step 1 – Government Licensing of Smart Phone dealers

First thing we need is the Federal Government to step in and start licensing business that sell smart phones on a retail level.  Additionally, the Federal Government should license manufacturers and importers of smart phones.  Manufacturers, importers, and retailers should be required to keep a registry of all smart phones they manufacture, import, or sell and keep  serialized records for 20 years.  Federally licensed retailers should be required to run background checks of potential smart phone buyers.  This will keep smart phones out of the hands of known predators — people that have a past of: child pornography, furnishing pornography to minors, sexual conduct with a child, and other such sex offenses.

Step 2 – Universal Background Checks for Phone Purchases

I think we can all agree ensuring there is a background check every time ownership of a smart phone changes hands is the next most common sense step we as a society can take to protect our children!  This will make sure people reselling their smart phones to others will have to first make sure the person passes the same federal background check we require retailers to run.  It’ll close the street sale loophole left by the previous proposal.  If we only implement Step 1, the criminals will be able to procure smart phones by going on to Craigslist.

Step 3 – Age Restrictions on Smart Phone ownership

People under the age of 18 should not be able to buy (or perhaps even possess) smart phones!  If we keep these devices out of the hands of the young and vulnerable then we will be making steps towards a society that is safer for our children.

Step 4 – Limit availability of certain dangerous features

Certain things are just plain dangerous to have in proximity of cell phones, I’ve included a few examples below.

4.1 Selfie Sticks

Selfie sticks are a common tool of those who provide indecent material to minors and solicit them for sex!  By making sure these devices are not available, we limit the ability of these predators to operate.  It should be a federal felony for anyone to possess (without a license) a selfie stick while also possessing a smart phone that fits on said stick.  The licensing process to possess these sticks needs to be very thorough, including fingerprinting, submissions of photos of yourself, and getting sign-off from local law-enforcement.

4.2 Phones that shoot pictures in rapid succession or record videos

This technology is simply dangerous!  It can be used to lure young people into horrific activities such as described in the new story cited in the top of the article.  Similar steps in 4.1 should be followed for controlling this technology.

4.3 Military Style Smart Phone features

These are features dangerous when combined with other features.  Phones with 2 or more of these features make them especially useful for abuse.

  • Otter Boxes and other military-style similar phone cases
  • Phones that are Black in color
  • Storage Capacity in Excess of 4 GB
  • The ability to install third party apps
  • Phones smaller than 8″ in diagonal measurement
  • Phones that can install applications that haven’t been approved by the phone manufacturer

 

I hope we can all agree to these common sense reform measures.  We must preserve the innocence of our children!

You Betcha! (11)Nuh Uh.(0)

They Need More Coloring Books

Kalkaska Mayor demonstrates common sense by not engaging in unwinnable enterprise.

I just love it.

If someone said “hey come on by for a bit, cause we want to humiliate you, kick your grapes, and pour shame syrup all over you,” the usual response from squishy politicos, would be “can I bring the sprinkles?”  Tis true.   That is essentially what has happened in the past.

It goes like this:

  • 1.  Politico or popular figure says or does something considered politically incorrect, or off-colored.
  • 2. Rage from community, usually driven from those who simply don’t like that politico. Because .. words.
  • 3. News outlets, always looking for the next hand out of humble pie pile on with sensationalized reporting, never taking a position, but carefully framing the events.
  • 4. Politico, feeling pressure from all side caves in, and feeds the beast.

Few can take the onslaught of abuse, usually delivered by the crazy left in a way that would make Saul Alinsky proud.

“Humor is essential to a successful tactician, for the most potent weapons known to mankind are satire and ridicule.”

We already know the lefties ain’t too humorous up in these here parts.  There isn’t really much else for them.

You Betcha! (13)Nuh Uh.(0)

Calley’s Next Big Announcement!

What will the next over-hyped roll out of critical information be???

So Brian Calley has not yet come out and said if he was running for Governor ..US Senate ..Muffin man.

He used the build up, the excitement, the hype! ..To announce a legislative effort.  The May 30 announcement at the Detroit Crony Club’s Mackinac Leadership conference brought us news that The conservative boy wonder wants to spearhead efforts for a part time legislature.

Mackinac Island — Lt. Gov. Brian Calley is spearheading a petition drive and potential 2018 ballot proposal to make the Michigan legislature part-time and cut legislator pay, the Portland Republican announced Tuesday.”

Ballot proposal hmm?

While the idea of a part time legislature is a great idea, it is not entirely original, it does not set him apart from ‘the pack’ as Schuette beat him to the punch, and the timing is hilarious.  Political opportunism on the back of good policy is a part of Calley’s past.  He used RTW promises to get a hand picked supreme court nominee (who lost) and now after a decade of service in Lansing, and NOW it’s apparently time to ‘pull the trigger’ on this ‘necessary‘ reform.

Classic.

The announcement however, left open the speculation of whether Calley would be pursuing higher office.  His website hints at yet another big news event, telling us to come back June 1st.  Obviously, Calley has a string of announcements planned all the way to the GOP leadership conference.  Keeping us in suspense will keep us engaged with (presumably) his next campaign bid!

You Betcha! (13)Nuh Uh.(1)

State of the (19th Century) Art

"And it will benefit dozens of Detroiters..."

As if last year’s defeat of the RTA tax hasn’t discouraged Penske and the rest of the pro RTA tax crowd (not to fear…it’ll be back on the ballot in less than two years), they now find themselves in the sights of the (Not So) Pure Michigan crowd!

Hmmmmm, WHY hasn’t the republican legislature repealed the law authorizing this shakedown yet?

Anyway…just a little something to bring a smile to you this afternoon.

Submitted w/o any further comment

Some of the language isn’t exactly SFW, so turn down your speakers for about a minute.

You Betcha! (7)Nuh Uh.(0)

The democrats are coming! The democrats are coming!!!

Let's see if they can last?

I’ve mentioned previously that get contacted fairly frequently asking for my input on various political things going on around the area.

This one is too good for me not to share with everyone here.

{Continued below}

You Betcha! (10)Nuh Uh.(0)

Harbor Beach Mayor fulfills legal requirements, tells public he’s a “nice guy” for doing so

Pious Harbor Beach Mayor Booms obeys Open Meeting Act and then tells the public how we should be thankful he's a nice guy for doing so.

Recently the Mayor of Harbor Beach told a member of the public during a public meeting:

When I allow people to speak during city council meetings, I do it because I’m a nice guy.

Harbor Beach Mayor Gary Booms

Harbor Beach Mayor Gary Booms

WRONG, Mr. Mayor don’t-know-the-law.  It’s a legal requirement.  In that spirit, I have decided to publish an email I recently sent “Gary” — so more light may be put upon his false self-virtue.  Below is that email:

Hi Gary,

I hope you don’t mind me calling you Gary. I don’t mind me calling you Gary, so we should be good.

I read a recent comment you made during a public meeting as Mayor.

One part of this caught my attention, aside from the fact you have no regards for an employee’s natural right to self-defense. It was:
Booms added, interrupting Armitage’s attempt at a question. “When I allow people to speak during city council meetings, I do it because I’m a nice guy.”
Let’s not make this about you and how nice and virtuous you are. Based on what I’ve read about your respect for Casey’s rights, I’ll go ahead and assume you’re not really that virtuous. Anyhow…
You don’t let people speak in public comment because you’re a nice guy. You let people speak because the Michigan Open Meetings Act requires that you let them speak.
(5) A person shall be permitted to address a meeting of a public body under rules established and recorded by the public body. The legislature or a house of the legislature may provide by rule that the right to address may be limited to prescribed times at hearings and committee meetings only.
A professional tip: if you’re going to extol your virtues, it shouldn’t be over something the law requires you to do. That just seems tacky and insults the intelligence of anyone who is informed.
Kindly,
Phillip Hofmeister
My hope is to reach nearly every voter in Harbor Beach, to let them know what a self-righteous and pompous guy their Mayor is.
You Betcha! (35)Nuh Uh.(4)

Crowder Crashes College

Steven Crowder joins a movement - Hilarity ensues.

Steven Crowder knows how to have fun.

Or maybe he at least he knows how to make a day interesting. Or maybe less boring, or ..something.

Crowder and co. infiltrated a group of ‘bog people,’ gender confused feminist union student queers, and beta males to protest, stop a bus, and generally be a nuisance to folks in Grand Rapids.

Or something.

I’m still laughing.

You Betcha! (4)Nuh Uh.(1)

Cowboys and Carpetbaggers

Sometimes one and the same?

We know the guy doesn’t live up here.  That’s the easy part.

The drooling fool forgot to review the video below the fold.  If he had, he might have seen ol Festus ridin up there on the bonanza.

A snot nosed kid with no substantive accomplishments in his life except to be married to the biggest fundraiser for Barack Obama.  And he wants to represent a district that he has only visited three or four times in his life; two of which were to run against the ‘hillbilly’ locals.

No seriously.. a ‘snot nosed kid.’

You Betcha! (7)Nuh Uh.(0)